I'm not one to complain...

Anyone who knows me knows that I am opinionated. That is, except for when it comes to easy things, like what I'd like to drink. (Then you might as well ask me to give you my best blank stare, because you're gonna get it anyway.) In any case, I like to complain. Let me rephrase that--I don't *like* to complain, but I find that bitching about things is a free therapy that always gives me at least a sliver of instant gratification.

With that in mind, this is my current list of pet peeves. This list is sure to change as time passes. While unlikely that things will be pulled from the list, in time I'm sure there will be more gripes, as well as more fine-tuned complaints. These are the things that really annoy me to the core, and regardless of how many times they happen, I will continue to act as though each time I encounter the peeve is the first.

Won't you join me in my gripe-fest, neighbor? Here's what irritates the hell out of me:

*People on airplanes who get on their cell phones the minute the flight attendant tells everyone that cell phone use is allowed again. "Hi, Larry! We just landed. Yes, I know I'll see you in thirty seconds at the baggage claim. I just wanted to keep you posted as to where I was because I just spent a horrific two hours without the use of my cell phone. Frankly, I don't know how I did it. Anyway, I'm walking toward you now. Oh, there you are. I'll hang up as soon as I hug you, so we can act like it's been such a long time since we've communicated." Bonus peeve points when they act disgusted that people are "eavesdropping" on their conversations.

*When people hear something funny, steal it, and then beat it to death so it's not funny anymore. Let funny be funny and use it sparingly. When's the last time you laughed at "Who's on First?" My point exactly.

*Drivers who don't use their signals. For the love of God, how lazy are you that you can't use your pinky finger to lightly flick your blinker on (and of course, then off)? I don't care that your car can go 110 mph. If it looks like your signal's broken, you still look like a douche.

*(Back to cell phones) People who answer their cell phones when you're supposed to be hanging out. Granted, there are times that people are waiting for calls, or have calls they need to take (say, from a parent), but why do you have to pick up a call from someone just to say "I can't talk now"? Let it go to voicemail. Double peeve points for picking up and having a normal conversation, as if you're not in the middle of anything. (Note: This applies to one-on-one quality time. Group time is a different story!)

*Teenage skanks. In a culture where people are constantly busted for "solicitation of a minor," why isn't anyone pointing to the fact that teenage girls are walking around with words on their posteriors??? If your daughter's ass says "Juicy"--or worse, "Cheer"--and you don't stop her when she walks out the door, don't complain when creepy men look at her.

*People who post public pictures of their children, with their names, birthdays, locations, and other revealing information on sites like MySpace. Yes, it's great to show off your child, and by all means do it, but safety is much more important than how cool your life looks to random people from high school who stumble across your profile.

*Loud movie-goers. It's one thing to talk through the previews, because half of the fun is ripping the movies apart and then telling your companions whether or not you plan on seeing the advertised film, but whisper for the actual movie, PLEASE. As sad as it is, people have gotten so ridiculous that when I went to see Blades of Glory the first time, there was a teenage boy who decided that it would be hilarious if he farted...repeatedly. Aside from being disgusting, it wasn't funny. (Even his friends weren't laughing, but dammit was he determined to get them to, by continually passing gas.) Regardless of what end of your body it's coming out, keep it down...and preferably odor-free.

And finally (because I could go on forever)...

*The pool of talent-less celebrities that seems to be growing daily. Just because you slept with Paris Hilton doesn't mean you deserve to be on tv. And just because you're on tv doesn't mean you should do movies. And just because you do movies doesn't mean you should record an album. Find something you can do decently, work hard like a normal person has to (for MUCH less money), stop bitching about the celebrity lifestyle you chose to pursue, and get good. Then you've earned your spot on Entertainment Tonight.

That's it for this evening.

Over and out.