Anyone who knows me knows that I am opinionated. That is, except for when it comes to easy things, like what I'd like to drink. (Then you might as well ask me to give you my best blank stare, because you're gonna get it anyway.) In any case, I like to complain. Let me rephrase that--I don't *like* to complain, but I find that bitching about things is a free therapy that always gives me at least a sliver of instant gratification.
With that in mind, this is my current list of pet peeves. This list is sure to change as time passes. While unlikely that things will be pulled from the list, in time I'm sure there will be more gripes, as well as more fine-tuned complaints. These are the things that really annoy me to the core, and regardless of how many times they happen, I will continue to act as though each time I encounter the peeve is the first.
Won't you join me in my gripe-fest, neighbor? Here's what irritates the hell out of me:
*People on airplanes who get on their cell phones the minute the flight attendant tells everyone that cell phone use is allowed again. "Hi, Larry! We just landed. Yes, I know I'll see you in thirty seconds at the baggage claim. I just wanted to keep you posted as to where I was because I just spent a horrific two hours without the use of my cell phone. Frankly, I don't know how I did it. Anyway, I'm walking toward you now. Oh, there you are. I'll hang up as soon as I hug you, so we can act like it's been such a long time since we've communicated." Bonus peeve points when they act disgusted that people are "eavesdropping" on their conversations.
*When people hear something funny, steal it, and then beat it to death so it's not funny anymore. Let funny be funny and use it sparingly. When's the last time you laughed at "Who's on First?" My point exactly.
*Drivers who don't use their signals. For the love of God, how lazy are you that you can't use your pinky finger to lightly flick your blinker on (and of course, then off)? I don't care that your car can go 110 mph. If it looks like your signal's broken, you still look like a douche.
*(Back to cell phones) People who answer their cell phones when you're supposed to be hanging out. Granted, there are times that people are waiting for calls, or have calls they need to take (say, from a parent), but why do you have to pick up a call from someone just to say "I can't talk now"? Let it go to voicemail. Double peeve points for picking up and having a normal conversation, as if you're not in the middle of anything. (Note: This applies to one-on-one quality time. Group time is a different story!)
*Teenage skanks. In a culture where people are constantly busted for "solicitation of a minor," why isn't anyone pointing to the fact that teenage girls are walking around with words on their posteriors??? If your daughter's ass says "Juicy"--or worse, "Cheer"--and you don't stop her when she walks out the door, don't complain when creepy men look at her.
*People who post public pictures of their children, with their names, birthdays, locations, and other revealing information on sites like MySpace. Yes, it's great to show off your child, and by all means do it, but safety is much more important than how cool your life looks to random people from high school who stumble across your profile.
*Loud movie-goers. It's one thing to talk through the previews, because half of the fun is ripping the movies apart and then telling your companions whether or not you plan on seeing the advertised film, but whisper for the actual movie, PLEASE. As sad as it is, people have gotten so ridiculous that when I went to see Blades of Glory the first time, there was a teenage boy who decided that it would be hilarious if he farted...repeatedly. Aside from being disgusting, it wasn't funny. (Even his friends weren't laughing, but dammit was he determined to get them to, by continually passing gas.) Regardless of what end of your body it's coming out, keep it down...and preferably odor-free.
And finally (because I could go on forever)...
*The pool of talent-less celebrities that seems to be growing daily. Just because you slept with Paris Hilton doesn't mean you deserve to be on tv. And just because you're on tv doesn't mean you should do movies. And just because you do movies doesn't mean you should record an album. Find something you can do decently, work hard like a normal person has to (for MUCH less money), stop bitching about the celebrity lifestyle you chose to pursue, and get good. Then you've earned your spot on Entertainment Tonight.
That's it for this evening.
Over and out.
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5 comments:
I've made a huge mistake... I'm one of those people that pulls out their cell phones when they say it's okay. But it's usually because I'm calling my mother to reassure her and her inane fears, like when she opened the mail in the garage in large garbage bags for months after the anthrax scare.
I do agree with people wearing jokes out like pop stations wear out songs. Certain things like Dane Cook and Dave Chappelle references I can barely stomach anymore, because people killed it.
And remember that kid in the theater at Reno 911!: Miami who not only had his cell phone on, but answered it during the movie and talked for 5 minutes? Made me want to crash my car into a building.
Kudos to the creation of the new blog. I shall await each new entry with eager anticipation. Apparently I have an account with blogspot that I never knew about.
Be grateful you don't work in a high school. I get a front row view of teenage skanks everyday. The "Juicy" sweatpants are the least of the problem. The big rage the past couple of years has been the ridiculously short jean skirts. And of course they are worn year round.
God forbid any of these girls ever have to bend over to pick anything up. The boys in the hall would get quite a show. Add to that the cleavage showing halter tops and these girls advertise better than the pros on Lyell Ave.
It has all caused me to feel pity for any future daughter I might have. As I will be insanely overprotective and not let her wear anything less than 5 layers.
Yeah, I mean I only wear my "Juicy-bottomed" hot pants in the privacy of my own home, where they belong. And I agree, people keep trying to be, but very few are, such a renaissance man, as myself. Like myself? I mean even when Hollyweird labelled Danny DeVito that. Great movie, but needed a different title. Maybe something like In the Army Now or Shakespeare in Camoflauge. I dunno. Just my two cents worth.
Amen to all of these. And hooray for new blog!
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